On my mind

Just writing some random thoughts that come to my mind that I don't know how to label yet.

Posted on Oct 26, 2020 · 3 min read

Going to see where this leads.

Today I feel like journaling a bit and write in the open what comes to my mind.

Yesterday I have been working the whole day. Woke up at 7:30am and started coding until almost 7pm.

I've been working on some part of an accounting application we're building and maintaining for an accounting firm in Barcelona.

Anyway it's been good because I made some decent progress on that.

But then today, I've only worked two hours in the morning. Just a meeting with the team and a new client regarding an on-line store.

In the afternoon after walking the dog I was quite sleepy and so I took a 2 hours nap.

Now I don't feel like doing much, and that's why I've started to write this.

I didn't feel like working, watching NetFlix, playing video games, or anything else.

I think sometimes I should try to learn to actually do nothing.

But my mind, I'm sure it will keep over thinking stuff.

I'm mostly obsessed with trying to have a balanced life while at the same time work on my current responsibilities and long term goals and dreams.

And I think instead of actually achieving that, I do exactly the contrary because I spend too much time in my head.

It is dark outside. Since 6-7pm here in Romania, in October, it is already dark.

So I basically took that long nap at 4pm and when I woke up it was already night.

And even if it is quite early, it feels like the day ended.

I use to be a very effective problem solver. I'm very focused when I work on something, let's say, developing a new feature on a web application.

I also try to take care of the details and provide a great result. And I guess all that is good.

But as I said before, I struggle to have a balanced life.

I don't have a regular schedule for work as I am kind of freelancing at my software development business. I like the freedom of being able to do whatever and whenever. But I don't always end up taking advantage of that.

What I try to say by balanced life, is to actually feel you're living a meaningful life and taking care of all its aspects.

But I think it is challenging to even try to think of that.

And I also think that everybody is different in how they understand reality and life and how they deal with it.

Anyways..

How do you know.. how to live?

I mean..

I think we can live in two modes:

  • One is kind of an auto-pilot driven by our environment and random occurring things
  • And another is, to actually stop and think what exactly do you want in life, and act on that

And I believe balance comes from a mix of those two.

But then the challenges are..

  • When do you think?
  • How do you plan for long term?
  • How do you stay focused on today's responsibilities?
  • How do you enjoy the present?
  • How do you stop over thinking and act more?
  • How do you make sure you stay true to your values?
  • How do you deal with fear? With knowing what's right or wrong?

Anyways, going to leave it here.

I heard my dad going to his room. I opened my door and asked what's up. And then we chatted a bit about on-line stores (he's working on one too) and about my weekend ideas of my long walks to go visit some family. It was good, it was unplanned, as this post.

But on the other hand, getting back to my over thinking. If I only worry about working, weeks go by without doing anything else but that, work. And so I try to keep some balance by trying to plan in advance, some activities I want to do, otherwise, they'll never happen.

- To be continued, maybe. -